"Zerts" are what I call desserts. "Trey-treys" are entrees. I call sandwiches "sannies," "sandoozles" or "Adam Sandlers." Air conditioners are "cool blasterz," with a "z." (I don’t know where that came from.) I call cakes "big ol’ cookies." I call noodles "long-ass rice." Fried chicken is "fry-fry chicki-chick." Chicken parm is "chicki-chicki parm-parm." Chicken cacciatore, "chicki-catch." I call eggs "pre-birds" or "future birds." Root beer is "super water." Tortillas are "bean blankies." And I call forks "food rakes."


—Thomas Nerd Haverford